Dialogue Tags - A Study in Common Errors
Verb and Subject
Incorrect:
"I bet you two had a fine time," said Ben.
When using tags, it's unusual to have the verb before the subject. The general rule of thumb is to use this construction sparingly, as a rare change in pace or flow. In addition, many editors are asking this construction not appear at all in a manuscript.
Correct:
"I bet you two had a fine time," Ben said.
The Comma and As
Incorrect:
"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste.
"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime," Bertha said as she giggled.
In both instances, the comma after asked, and the 'as' after said, indicate the dialogue tag isn't necessary. Each is greatly improved by removing the tag and allowing the following sentence to stand on its own.
Correct:
"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty wrinkled her nose in distaste.
"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime." Bertha giggled.
Unnecessary Tags
Incorrect:
Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party," she replied.
Since we are firmly in Mary's head at the point of her dialogue, it can be assumed it is her reply. If you use a tag like this, ask yourself if it's really necessary. Is it obvious this is her reply? Then you don't need it. New writer's struggle with the idea that every bit of dialogue needs to be accredited to a character, otherwise the reader will be confused. The idea is to write so well from one character's perspective, that the reader will immediately tell who's dialogue it is.
Correct:
Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party."
Over Explaining the Tag
Incorrect:
"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party," Shelly warned, her voice rising.
Ask yourself these questions when you find yourself hunting for words to explain the dialogue in the tag:
Is Shelly's dialogue showing her warning?
Is it clear from what Shelly says that her voice is rising?
What am I trying to show Shelly feeling with this tag?
You won't need to ask yourself these questions as you discover your own style more, but in the meantime, it's a good idea to look through your tags to see if any of them could be replaced, or simply deleted. Her outrage could have been shown much better by this sentence:
Correct:
"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party." Shelly glared, hands on hips.
Conjunction Tags
Incorrect:
"You look lovely in that dress," Biff said, "and I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."
Although this break is all right occasionally, it should be used with extreme caution. A better approach is to lend depth to the moment at the break.
Correct:
"You look lovely in that dress." Biff leaned closer, his words a whisper against her flesh. "I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."
Showing Impact
Incorrect:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly," he said.
"How could you?" She asked as adrenalin rushed movement back into her limbs and she backed away.
Obviously this is an excerpt from a larger scene. By the time the reader finds this exchange, they'll be familiar with all the players. To add impact to a statement, it's sometimes best to leave a tag off entirely, especially with a two-character exchange.
Correct:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly."
"How could you?" Adrenalin flooded her limbs and she backed away.
Multiple Tags
Incorrect:
"You have to understand," Sean said as he clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea as he stated, "He was evil, I had to do it."
In this paragraph, we are firmly in Sean's head by the action described in the middle, there is no need to explain he is still speaking.
Correct:
"You have to understand." Sean clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea. "He was evil, I had to do it."
As with any rules in writing, there are always exceptions. However, once you've changed any of the problematic tags in your work to these more active and exciting tags, you'll find the pace of your work becomes faster and the work overall is much cleaner.
About The Author
Author of dozens of articles and award winning short stories, Jennifer Turner offers caring and concise critiques for aspiring authors without the high cost of big business editorial services at, ROTO-WRITER CRITIQUE SERVICE http://jturner.00books.com/index.html
MORE RESOURCES:
 Film School Rejects (blog) | 'Underworld 4' on the Way With 'Shield' Scribe Writing Moviefone According to the Hollywood Reporter's Heat Vision blog, the task of writing the fourth film falls upon John Hlavin, best known as a writer and story editor ... Underworld 4 being scripted by John Hlavin |
Parting Shot: Writing In Alexander for Biletnikoff Award Kansas City Star By Mike dearmond - Posted on 20 November 2009 Danario Alexander is not a finalist for the award given annual to college football's best receiver. ... |
 Film School Rejects (blog) | Mike White Writing New Christmas Comedy Called Santa Wars Fused Film Paramount and Scott Rudin are teaming together for a new Christmas comedy that will feature battling Santas. ... School of Rock's Mike White Writing Holiday Comedy Santa Wars |
Analysis: Darwin vs. Genesis, a literary smackdown Toronto Star Genesis, it has to be said, is tough to beat as a piece of writing. It contains both the best of the wilderness, emerging over several generations from the ... |
Late mail on writing The Age He credits his mother for his love of reading and writing. She bore three sons in three years, and as her belly grew so did a line of Russian novels on her ... |
Mpls. Teams Needs Help Writing Cinderella Story KSTP.com An inner-city youth football team that helped revitalize a Minneapolis park now needs the help of the community to write the ending to a true Cinderella ... |
 New York Daily News | Martha Stewart pans Rachael Ray's cooking - and cooking writing New York Daily News Stewart told ABC News' Cynthia McFadden that Ray's approach to cooking - and cookbook writing - is "not good enough for me." In her first TV interview since ... |
 MTV.com | Lauren Conrad Is Writing A Book On Style MTV.com And when Conrad isn't busy writing books or working on the "LA Candy" movie, she is spending her time designing her clothing line, LC Lauren Conrad, ... Ex-'Hills' star Lauren Conrad is writing a style tips book. Chapter 1: Hire a ... Lauren Conrad is writing a style book Morning Round Up: Lauren Conrad to write a style book PLUS Leighton's latest ... |
Writing project gives Rainier students some new perspectives Longview Daily News Kirkpatrick's class, along with the other classes at Hudson Park Elementary School, have been working on a special writing project, learning to see stories ... |
 New York Times | Madison Ave. Sees the Writing on the Wall New York Times Jim Wilson/The New York Times The British advertising agency Mother will sponsor an exhibit next month in New York of the work of the ... |
Apotheosis - the Seminal Insight of the Hero for Screenwriting
Every hero has a seminal insight - the apotheosis. Once you know what that insight will be, you can start building your story up to and beyond that point:In Casablanca, Rick's insight is that if you love someone, you sacrifice yourself for their happiness.
Stimulate Your Sensebuds...and Wave Goodbye To Writers Cramp!
When you get stuck for ideas, and the words won't flow, invariably it's because one, more or all of your senses aren't being stimulated.Staring at a blank screen or sheet of paper really doesn't help.
Sick of the Traditional Publishing Path?
A book coaching client recently emailed me that she was getting sick of traditional publishing because of so many costly requirements and so little payoff. Do you feel the same way?Fifteen years ago, I worked hard on a 60-page proposal for a top agent and after a year got "approval" to be his client.
How NOT to Get a Freelance Writing Job
In the business of freelance writing, it's not enough to be good at writing. You also have to be good at finding work - and selling yourself when you do.
Writing is a Discipline
If a writer considers writing to be a task, he/she is doomed to failure. Since it cannot be a task, then what is it? It is a discipline.
Technical Writing for the Terrified
IntroductionSometimes it may be beyond a companies or individuals budget to hire a professional writer to address their technical documentation. Although in an ideal world all technical documentation should be produced by a highly trained expert, unfortunately we do not live in an ideal.
Writer's Web Resources
The Internet has truly revolutionized the careers of writers worldwide. Now you can work for publishers, corporations and a whole range of other clients on a truly global scale.
Creating Great Business Correspondence
Obtaining the skills for writing good business correpondence is important; a job seeker needs to send customised job application letters. A secretary needs to send out an official invitation letter.
How to Write Bad Poetry
So you've decided to crown yourself with a title that a million other people (just like you (yes, just like you!)) give themselves every day. Some people believe giving yourself such a title is equivalent to, and just as beneficial monetarily, as naming yourself Queen of England.
How to Create Stories that Sizzle
How to Start Your Story with a BangThe purpose of creating a story is to create a world that will draw the reader away from their own. In order to do this one must create suspense, drama and mystery.
Are You Feeling Dash-ing? Using Punctuation for Effect and Influence
The dash--that curious mark of punctuation people use in their email and letters. Not the hyphen (-), but the dash (--).
Writing Made Them Rich #2: Charles Dickens
Charles Dickens was born in Portsea, England, in1812. His father was a clerk in the Navy Pay Office,stationed at Portsmouth.
The Struggle
Sometime one must coax the words out.Each day is a struggle to sit before the computer and produce-produce words that are appropriate, produce sentences that are logical, produce paragraphs that are focused, and produce a page that is relevant to the project-whether it is a poem, a short story, an article, an essay, or part of a novel.
Timer Magic for Writers
If your writing muscle isn't in shape, writing a novel may seem like a sheer, unscalable cliff. ("Gee, I don't think I can write today.
Business Writing Tip: Question & Answer Format
Traditionally, business writing uses the "one thing after another" format, which usually means a plain recitation of the facts, circumstances, or whatever else needs to be said.But, we have a number of other options, and some of them may provide more responses or better responses.
How to Write Your Op-Ed Piece
Op-ed articles, also known as opinion/editorial articles, are a great way for aspiring writers to publicize their work and, in exchange, receive an amazing amount of publicity for free. You can write an op-ed piece and get it publicized provided you follow these simple rules.
How to Get Free Publicity in In-flight Magazines
If you're targeting an educated, more affluent audience with your message, and your topic is a good fit, in-flight magazines can be one of your best publicity tools.A quick look at the statistics should convince you:--Many of these magazines have high circulations.
Knock-Out Writers Block: Listening To Your Inner Voice
When I was young, I used to talk to myself. Long, drawn out, one-sided conversations.
Writing Business Letters That Get The Job Done
Despite the widespread use of e-mail in commerce today,traditional business letters are still the main way that the majority of businesses officially communicatewith their customers and other businesses.This is especially true when businesses want to formalizean agreement or an understanding.
Editing and Polishing - How Much is Enough?
A few days ago, I critiqued a chapter for a writer I'd been working with for some months. The main thing we'd been working on was 'de-cluttering' her writing.
