Read confession
Send to a friend I'm a junior in high school, and I'm also in a fairly high workload academic program, and am the only out queer junior girl in the program. Thankfully however, everyone's pretty tolerant.I have a crush on the junior class president, a former good friend of mine. I say former because in a blundering attempt to get the crush off my chest (one of my steps to getting over a crush), I bailed, unable to face her, and then ended up writing a random note while I was on my scared emotional low, one that I don't even remember exactly what I wrote on it. Enter extreme awkwardness. I became extremely depressed, my grades began to fall, etc. I was mostly depressed because I felt that I had purposely ruined what was one of my most comforting friendships. (I had some vague idea that she wouldn't react well, even if I had mentioned it in the sane and calm face-to-face manner I had originally planned). In my desperation to "fix things" I ended up driving the wedge between us further by acting quite the...crazy. Finally, we're "friends" again, "on a clean slate" in her words. Yet it's still completely awkward. For one, I'm extremely flirtacious as just a social thing, I flirt with people just for the hell of it, and we (the people I socialize with) just generally do that and joke the hell out of each other. There's like this, invisible wall that prevents me from becoming myself around her again and vise versa Mostly because I still, despite what I've said, have a crush on her. It's obviously never going to happen, and I realize that. I wish...we could just be friends again. Or that it never happened. I want most desperately to be friends with her again in the truest sense, and less desperately to *talk* about what happened, a subject she fringes around, completely unwilling to discuss. The crush, like most crushes I get, will probably linger a while, but it will fade, and I will move on. I just wish our friendship had remained intact.
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