i stand feet apart like a boy at a urinal cuz i've read this is how butches stand my hair pulled back behind my head in a braid smoking my cigarette like a drag queen sucking down cocktails aware i'm fooling no one with my make-up mask i can't leave home without
i watch them in flashes of light two girls bodies pressed together sweat like glitter smiling into each others eyes
i ache my eyes blur with tears
blurred i am blurred with tears for you & me you, far away from my arms in your white room blurred by pills & voices echoing down the blind halls pacing six paces round & round your bed bolted to the linoleum your arms scarred crying your thighs crying blood i am caught in this whirlwind unable to move caught in a static loop unable to come to you so far away so bleeding wanting me to drink you up my mouth won't open for you my arms won't open for you i won't open for you my body is a no-man's land caught in a barbed wire web to keep me in & keep you out lift the sharp blade from your flesh & cut me loose please from this impenetrable cocoon set me free