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George Burns Quotes

George Burns Quotes & Quotations
Name:
George Burns
Type:
Comedian
Nationality:
American
Birth day:
January 20
Birth year:
1896

  • 1
    At my age flowers scare me. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 2
    Be quick to learn and wise to know. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 3
    Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 4
    Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 5
    First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 6
    Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 7
    Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 8
    I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 9
    I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 10
    I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 11
    I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 12
    I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 13
    I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 14
    I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 15
    If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 16
    If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 17
    It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 18
    It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 19
    Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 20
    Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. George-BurnsGeorge Burns
  • 21
    Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 22
    Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 23
    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 24
    This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 25
    Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 26
    Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 27
    When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 28
    You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 29
    You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George-Burns/">George Burns
  • 30
    You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. George-Burns/">George Burns